Starbucks Won’t Take It In The Ass…

…but they have no problem giving head!
In an astonishing bout of corporate hairsplitting and hypocrisy, A month or two ago, Starbucks announced that they were refusing to carry Bruce Springsteen‘s excellent new cd, “Devils & Dust,” due to an explicit reference to anal sex. Fair enough, right? It’s their business what they sell and why. A few weeks later, Starbucks began carrying the new, Acoustic version of Alanis Morissette‘s 1995 multi-platinum hit, “Jagged Little Pill” and Sodomites everywhere flipped out. Why, you might ask?

Either Starbucks made a distinction between anal and oral sodomy or they think Alanis is so pure as the driven snow that they neglected to listen to the lyrics of her huge (and incredibly annoying) hit, “You Oughta Know.” Don’t know what I am talking about? How about a little legal background, first.
In most municipalities (and dictionaries), sodomy is defined as “anal or oral intercourse.” So…getting your knob polished? Sodomy. Going to Brown Town? Ditto. In Bruce’s song “Reno,” a prostitute lists her prices, saying “Two hundred dollars straight in, two-fifty in the ass.” In Morrisette’s screeching ode to post-breakup bitterness (justified feelings or not, the song hurts my ears) she asks the man who recently dumped her (rumored to be former Full House star Dave Coulier…go figure): “An older version of me, 
is she perverted like me, 
would she go down on you in a theater?”
So there you have it, sports fans. Starbucks: They’ll frappa your ccino at a matinee of Fantastic Four, but try to discover their mocha latte and it’s no way, José!

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